How Do I Walk in Love?
I’ve got to be honest here. Lately, I’ve been wondering how to do something I’ve always thought I was good at. But it turns out, if I pay attention, I’m not as good as I thought. I’ve been watching, or maybe my good friend Jesus is asking me to attend to my heart. The question is: How do I act or react in a loving way in the midst of some kind of conflict?
What does it mean, I mean, really mean, to walk in love?
I know it isn’t just being happy in every situation. It doesn’t mean being walked on, pushed around, or giving in all the time. It doesn’t mean that you don’t have boundaries. It doesn’t mean it is easy. It doesn’t mean you’re actually going to want to do it even though you know you should.
I remember when our oldest son graduated from high school and his principal offered a few words of advice. It was a typical graduation talk in many ways with one exception. He repeated one line over and over. By setting up scenarios that these new graduates might encounter, he offered a challenge as well.
Let’s say you move into your dorm room and within a few days you find out that your roommate is really sloppy, leaving clothes all around the room. And you are a neat person. What are you going to do? Let all you do be done in love.
You come home for the weekend and your parents still want you to be in by midnight. How will you respond? Let all you do be done in love.
A professor gives you a grade you feel is lower than you deserve. How will you handle it? Let all you do be done in love.
Our son’s principal offered many other possible situations the new graduates might encounter. I don’t remember any of them. But I have not forgotten this: Let all you do be done in love.
What does this actually mean?
Does this mean that I’m always going to WANT to be loving? This teaching comes from 1 Corinthians 16:14 where Paul is wrapping up his letter to the church in Corinth with some final thoughts. It sits right after verse 13 where he reminds them to “Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong.” And then our verse: Let all you do be done in love.
It sounds a bit like a battle to me. It sounds intentional and planned. Be on your guard. Stand firm. Be courageous. Be strong. Do it all in love.
So what are some scenarios you or I might encounter that require us to walk in love?
Some friends get together and forget to call you. Let all you do be done in love.
Your best friend forgets to call you on your birthday. Let all you do be done in love.
You have a really tough disagreement with your husband. Let all you do be done in love.
There are those who are spreading rumors about you. Let all you do be done in love.
There’s a person at church whose mannerisms irritate you. Let all you do be done in love.
You’ve sent two or three emails and she still won’t get back to you. Let all you do be done in love.
Your committee has one guy who just can’t see it the way you do. Let all you do be done in love.
The kid at McDonald’s messes up your order. Let all you do be done in love.
The girl got her feelings hurt so she feels justified in hurting others. Let all you do be done in love.
Your neighbor’s dogs are out late at night, barking. Let all you do be done in love.
Do you see it? How do I act in love when my feelings are telling me to snap back or lose patience?
Oh, I could go on and on because there are so many things every day that can hurt, irritate or anger us. But, the question remains. How do I love? What does it mean and how am I to do it?
And, there’s another question. Why should I do it?
I’m thinking John 13:34-35 gives us a few clues. Jesus has just dismissed Judas from the table after they share their last supper together by saying, “What you are about to do, do quickly.” Then he turns to the other eleven and says, A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples if you love one another.
Jesus must have been feeling extremely hurt. One of his closest friends was choosing to betray him. He had every right to be offended and deeply discouraged. But what did he do? Let all you do be done in love. He told Judas to go and do what he planned to do. Then he turned and told his disciples to love each other because that will be the way others know they are followers of Him. People won’t know if we do not act in love toward them.
Why does this matter?
The way I look at it, one of the ways God works in this world is through his Spirit moving his people to love.
It is through us, through our actions, that he makes himself known. It is the way God becomes flesh and dwells among us…by being in us.
How do we love in this way?
Saying YES to Jesus is the first step. Saying YES to loving the unloveable (including ourselves) is another step. We can study the Bible and talk to God. We can take a deep breath and respond, not react. We can stand up for ourselves but do it with gentleness and kindness. It means answering the hard email but doing it with a loving tone. It means making that phone call to the one who has hurt or offended you to find out more and to give them room to explain. It may mean getting a counselor to help you heal. Let all you do be done in love.
I read through 1 Corinthians 13 yesterday in the Message Version and I couldn’t stop the repeat. How am I to love this way? It is too hard. It is too much. Would you read it through slowly and pray that the Spirit would open your spirit to what is being asked of you if you are following Christ?
1 Corinthians 13 MSG (NIV)
If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing.
If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.
If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere.
So no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.
Love never gives up. (is patient)
Love cares more for others than for self. (is kind)
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. (does not envy)
Love doesn't strut, (does not boast)
Doesn't have a swelled head, (is not proud)
Doesn't force itself on others, (does not dishonor others)
Isn't always "me first," (is not self-seeking)
Doesn't fly off the handle, (is not easily angered)
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others, (keeps no record of wrongs)
Doesn't revel when others grovel, (does not delight in evil)
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, (rejoices in the truth)
Puts up with anything, (always protects)
Trusts God always, (always trusts)
Always looks for the best, (always hopes)
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end. (always perseveres)
Love never dies. (never fails)
Inspired speech will be over someday; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete.
But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled. (will disappear)
This chapter is powerful…not to be read only at weddings. It should be our daily bread, our daily desire.
We are given the ability to love in this way by coming to God every day and asking him to open us to the choice to spontaneously love in every moment. It is the slow and steady way of journeying with him and keeping our eyes open. We cannot muster up enough love to give unselfishly. We can only remain open to the mystery of the Spirit’s work and invite him in.
Here’s an idea: When you jump in the car today and head to wherever you are going, turn your mind toward the One who loves you completely. Feel the joy of being the one he loves. Envision his smile as he looks at you. Breathe in and pray: Let all I do today… Breathe out and pray: be done in love. Repeat as you drive. Be aware of the depth of this prayer and what you are actually asking God to do in you.
By praying this we are asking God to help us live in humility (not easy) and count others as better than ourselves (also not easy). We’re asking God to use our ears to hear the laments of others. We’re asking God to show us how to step back, to put others’ feelings first (not easy) but at the same time, we want to give ourselves the same gentle kindness that we offer others. (Will this ever get easy?) It means stepping toward others in forgiveness and gentleness and not hiding our hurt but being open about it. It is showing kindness to ourselves so that we will have something to give others.
Let all I do today be done in love is really a plea for Christ to be alive in me so that I can love the way he loves and carry out his deepest desire: That we love him with our whole heart, soul, and mind, and to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. It may mean I have to give up my right to be right or to be chosen. It might mean I’ll give up my right to fit in or make it all about me. This is incredibly hard and I might not feel like being loving in the moment. But in the upside-down world of the kingdom of God, this is incredibly gratifying.
If we let all we do be done in love, we will be rich in the deepest most fulfilling ways.
Remember: Breathe in - Let all I do today
Breathe out - be done in love.
This is how I want to live. Not for my sake and not because it is easy. But I want to practice doing the hard things in love because that is what Christ asks us to do. It is part of the kingdom work I am privileged to participate in. I’ll not get it right all the time, but I will try. I best ask Christ to do the necessary work in me for me to walk this very difficult and self-effacing road toward a deeply satisfying life.
If God is love and love is patient then we need to be patient. If God is love and love is kind, we need to be kind. If God is love and love is not easily angered, then we need to not be easily angered. With the Spirit of God living within us and with our paying attention, He will enable us to love as he loves. So I can relax and let Him love through me.
As we sit around the Thanksgiving table in a few weeks, let our prayer be…Let all I do today be done in love.