Today I am sitting at the library, my normal Thursday morning post, with my feet up on a little white table, computer on my lap. The huge window panes on my left enable a clear view of the cloudless blue sky watching over endless activity below. The pay loader bucket pounds diligently creating irritating noise and awkward piles of concrete. The four-way stop keeps vehicles braking and accelerate through like clockwork, orderly and polite. Finishing up their conversation, two men linger a bit longer before heading back to work. People walk in and out of the library, some on cell phones, other walking side by side. The day feels quiet, predictable, pleasant. This week my life has felt just like this day. After being sick, I'm walking more slowly, resting more often, breathing deeper and paying attention to how I am physically feeling; more mindful, I guess. I find myself paying attention and listening to the gentle nudges from within, rather than focusing on "what needs to get done." My interactions with women have been extremely meaningful as well.
Getting invited into people's lives is a wonder to me. One day I met with a gal to talk about spiritual things. The conversation was deep, thought provoking and encouraging. Actually I'd say it was...amazing. I heard stories of God's faithfulness and the ways He was drawing her to himself. Stories of my own found their way into our time together and wove beautifully the cord of his faithfulness to our longing to know and be known. One afternoon I met with a group of women who gathered to share their stories, eager to find healing and to connect with themselves and God in ways that the years have pulled apart. Raw emotion claws at their hearts: tears, anger, laughter, forgiveness, exhaustion emerge freely. Today after meeting with a dear neighbor I came away so thankful to be a part of conversations that matter, that draw me closer my sisters and to the mystery we call God.
I guess what I really want to say is that we can get all so caught up in being "better" or "more" that we just plain forget to be delighted with what we have and who we are! We wake up with our to-do list in hand when perhaps waking with a sigh and a smile might just be enough praise, satisfied that the striving doesn't have to be a part of it anymore. We are loved. We are enough for the task we've been called to. We have now, this moment, to live fully. Eternity is a glorious destination.
This library, with its quiet noises and quaint outside scene provides me with the perfect reminder that I have the ability to ruin this moment with lists that shout and deadlines that loom; I do have a few. Or I can sit and muse on the beauty and grace of a quiet moment spent with peace and contentment for all that is good and grace for all that is not.