Hospitality Without Fixing Dinner
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Today’s post has been taken from my last newsletter. Sometimes a simple idea turns into a bigger offering as the idea develops itself and it gets long… sorry…lots of words here. My newsletters are not usually so blog-like.
But I got such good feedback that this resonated with my introverted friends that I decided to share it with a bigger audience, not limiting it to only my subscribers this time.
At the bottom of this post, I will share a few of the comments I received from some of my subscribers after they read my newsletter.
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Practicing hospitality - even when you feel awkward or shy…
Do you ever feel uncomfortable when stepping into a room filled with people you don't know? Maybe you feel shy even when you do know everyone. A lot depends on your confidence and your personality. I know that for me, I can find myself feeling happy and outgoing or I can find myself feeling cautious and careful, depending on the situation. I know we are all different, but here are a few of my thoughts about decisions we can make to be hospitable, regardless of how we feel, simply because we are a people called to love others.
One Sunday morning, many years ago now, my husband and I walked into a crowded Adult Sunday school classroom. As we were finding a place to sit, a woman who I didn't know, looked up at me. Our eyes met and she smiled at me and I immediately said to myself, I need to find that girl after class because she looks like someone I might like to know!
She was practicing hospitality. It wasn't the kind of hospitality that invites you into her home for a meal though. Instead, she was letting me know that she was willing to connect. Her mannerisms made me want to step closer to her. She seemed safe and inviting. She was interested and seemed interesting.
I imagine that Jesus was like this. When he met the woman at the well, his demeanor must have been welcoming and gentle because she wasn't afraid to approach the well while he was sitting there. And he actually talked with her! She was so delighted by what he said and how he said it that she ran into town to tell others to come and meet this warm and inviting stranger!
I am a pleasant and kindly person too, but sometimes, when I'm not sure, I can tell myself things that make me feel like I don't fit in and so I feel like I am “less than” others and so I put up defenses that might make others think I am not interested in them.
Two months ago I started a pilates exercise program here in our city. I'll have to admit that this is outside my normal comfort zone to go where I might tend to think that “the girls are all skinny and pretty and young.” In fact, it did stop me at first. Our daughter encouraged me to try it but my first reaction was, like, well, yes I should, but I won't feel comfortable and I know I won't fit in.
The thing is, with this program, you sign up for classes depending on your schedule. Each class is separate, so your time, teacher, and fellow classmates can be different every time you go. And we do not interact much during class so it's not like I'm out to develop close friends while I am there. But, in light of my “insecure” thoughts, I prayed for insight and confidence and made a few decisions about how to navigate these classes.
Instead of coming in with the mindset that I won't fit in, I have decided that I do fit in. Women (and men) come to these classes in all shapes, sizes, abilities, and ages and, my goodness, I surely fit somewhere in there!
I have decided to focus on my fitness during class and not worry about what others think of me while I am breathing deeply and stretching/strengthening my core muscles.
I have decided to come into the classroom smiling - looking up at people, trying to catch an eye…not over-the-top or obnoxiously, but quietly, in an attentive way, like I belong there...which I do. Several times during class I make sure to exchange smiles with our instructor and she always smiles back.
I have decided, that when each class is finished, I will try to connect in some way with at least one other person. (Some of you have a more outgoing personality, and come to these things naturally. Some of us need to talk to ourselves and remind ourselves that we too can be outgoing when we decide to :) Last week, while putting on our shoes, two of us chatted about how long we've been exercising here and another gal joined in telling us that this was her 80th class! We cheered and congratulated her. I had never seen those girls before, but we found a connection point. Today I admired a young person’s tattoos and found her to be very sweet and came away with a recommendation for where to go when I want a tattoo! I was affirmed that it is a good thing to be welcoming and warm, whether or not I know the person, whether or not she has other friends, and whether or not she is prettier, younger, or skinnier than me.
These four decisions feel so full of grace for me and for the way I have always seen myself. There was a time when even if I wanted to, I wouldn't have known how to be first at reaching out. I hold that shy little Deane part of me very close to my heart as I assure her of God's beautiful design of her and each person I meet.
At the end of class, I feel welcomed. Most days there are only a few interactions, but they are decisions on my part with a mindset that loving people is best done by deciding we are all the same. We are all women who just want to fit in and find camaraderie. Will I find a best friend here? Probably not, but maybe I can enable a few others who might feel shy, to feel seen and welcomed.
Likewise, when I choose to look at and smile at women as I go into or out of the grocery store, I am always amazed at how many smile back. When I come into our church I find people who are delighted to smile back at me and maybe even give me a hug. While walking in our neighborhood, I speak to strangers and find people that I didn't know who live nearby. Practicing and savoring being hospitable is a delightful way to live! I keep reminding myself that I do not need to be intimidated by others because they are trying to get along and fit in - just like me.
The person I described at the top of this post? The one who caught my eye and smiled? Immediately after class that morning I made a quick search and find her, I did! We quickly introduced ourselves and wouldn't you know, she and I became very dear friends during the ten years she lived in our city. She is still a close friend, although she now lives many miles away. She showed me how to be hospitable by being attentive and interested in me. I'm so glad my eyes were looking up that Sunday morning and that I found hers looking back.
How do you feel stepping into a room filled with people you don't know? If it's been hard for you, how have you challenged yourself to grow? How does knowing that God is with you inform your posture and confidence?
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Comments from a few of my subscribers:
“Thank you for encouraging words for the wallflower girl in me. Do you know what is helping me? The knowledge that I am the Beloved of God - and so is everyone else in the room! Knowing that, frees me to be me and to see others with a more grace-filled lens. The other truth that enables me is the promise of God’s presence. He is with me.” - E
“This seems new: hospitality simply as welcoming someone with a smile or greeting.” - O
“We all need to be willing to be the hospitable ones and not just sit back and wait for others to reach out to us.” - R
“Have you been reading my thoughts?” - M
“There are different ways of being hospitable, not just inviting people into our home.” - B
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